The Car is Sulking

The MX5 is sulking because it was parked out in the pouring rain all day on boxing day. 

It is unaccustomed to this treatment, as it is always garaged, but yesterday was different. I had to make room for a rained-out BBQ.

It's as well that the little Japanese assemblers in Hiroshima made such a good job of sealing the ragtop - not a drop got in after all day in the downpour.

The deluge we're going through at the moment reminds me of 1974.

For those of you devoid of wisdom as a consequence of lack of age, 1974 was the year when South East Queensland in general and Brisbane in particular was visited by catastrophic floods.

Back then the cyclone that did the business was called Wanda. The one meandering down the coast this time is Tasha. Perhaps two-syllable girls' names ending in "a" should be avoided by the boffins responsible for cyclone nomenclature.

So far, we haven't had a situation anything like 1974, mainly because this depression is taking a different track, but it's bloody wet.

There is a family tradition of inviting all my siblings (I'm the eldest of six) to a Boxing Day BBQ. It's grown out of a mixture of nostalgia (my parents, when they were alive originated the idea) and the necessity to create a bit of refrigerator space. The family fridges are crammed with Christmas Day leftovers, and the deal is - bring a selection of leftovers, steaks or snags for the BBQ, and your favourite tipple.

Given the dreaded breathalyser, the tipple has taken a bit of a hiding, unless those from afar crash overnight (not literally) or book a motel. There's always the "designated driver" deal which also works well once the short straw is drawn.

Over the years we've got it down to a fine art, even to the extent of designating different areas of the house for the different generations. Despite this segregation, the whole crew always get together when food is available.

It was our turn to host this year, and my bride and I got busy and set up a BBQ. Our four offspring, home for Christmas, were conscripted in roles as diverse as untangling party lights, buttering bread rolls, and removing their junk from public areas in the house.

Given the weather forecast, I took the precaution of setting the BBQ up under a very large outdoor umbrella, and I covered our Hills hoist and pergola with tarps. This would have worked had the rain been vertical, but it was, in fact, semi-horizontal, so in the end, the cars had to be banished, and the garage set up with TV (for the cricket), eskies, and party lights.

We had a couple of no-shows as some roads were cut, but in the end it was a good day. I proved that you can BBQ in the rain. First the accumulated water on the hot plate had to be burnt off, but this was accomplished easily in clouds of steam.

After that, I needed an assistant to shuttle the cooked meat and sausages inside, and that assistant needed a second assistant with a brolly. Carrying a plate full of sausages one-handed and an umbrella cannot be achieved with stubby in hand. The assistant was OK - he had stubby in one hand and brolly in the other.

The rigged-up umbrella worked fine, and any drops were evaporated by the heat of the BBQ before they landed on the food.

'

After the first session of play, we stopped watching the cricket….

Now I have to drive to Brisbane this morning to return two offspring to the big smoke because they're going back to work - every dollar is precious to impecunious students.

I'm not looking forward to the journey. It's still raining cats and dogs. Needless to say, I won't be driving the MX5 - not because it doesn't perform well in the wet - it does. You can't fit a driver and two large young adults in an MX5.

Economy Run

Roadsters are not generally noted for their fuel economy, but the Mazda MX5 may well be the exception that proves the rule.

This week I went on a brief overnight jaunt interstate across a range of roads, and without driving with any consideration for economy.

The MX5 averaged 6.93 litres/100km, with a best of 6.7 litres/100km from Glen Innes to Tamworth. Much of this road is characterised by long climbs, during which I downshifted to fifth to maintain momentum.

The fuel I was using was a mixture of 95 and 98RON. You can't buy 95RON (which is what I run it on) in NSW without ethanol. I prefer to avoid the blends, as the car wasn't built for them. It likes 98RON and seems more responsive (and more economical) using this fuel. You do pay through the nose for it.

The most enjoyable aspect of long distance motoring in this car is that it can be driven in two different modes.

You can put the top and the windows up, turn on the air and the stereo, and drive it much in the same way as you would a sedan. In this mode it's comfortable, not too noisy, and relaxing.

Or you can put the top and the windows down, leave the radio off, and take in all the smells and sounds this liberates. This was the way to go through the wine country on the granite belt.

With the wind in the right direction, you could smell the vintage.

Grey Porridge

This week She Who Must be Obeyed (the fleet manager) set me up in a Toyota Camry.

Again, this car needed to get kilometres up in a hurry because it was brand new, and was due its first (1000km) service. My trip was about this length - a bit more as it turned out - so I picked it up just after it had been delivered with 30km on the clock.

Typical Toyota - it smelt funny, had all the ambiance of an Electrolux, and behaved exactly as the brochures described.

It also had Bluetooth, but after driving myself nuts, I gave up on trying to get it to work. I had better and less time-consuming things to do. As a rule of thumb I never read instruction manuals. They're for dropkicks who can't work stuff out by themselves - but in the end out of exasperation I was forced to. I've set up pleny of Bluetooth programs before (in Hyundais, Volkswagens and Fords) without hassles and without handbooks..

Using the handbook just made it worse, as the instructions read as if they'd been translated badly from Japanese into Russian, and then back into English.

What I finished up with was a kind of lottery. Sometimes the audio would pick up the phone part of the iPhone, sometimes the iPod part. It was entirely unpredictable as to which was operating at any given time, so I had to take the precaution of having my Blueant set up as a back-up. I tend to get lots of calls on the road.

Funny thing is, no matter what mode it was working in, it always muted the audio when a call came through.

Driving this thing reminded me of my son's 1996 Camry. Not much has changed.

It was as dull as grey porridge. The duco was actually white - hence the refrigerator reference.

I can't imagine anything less like an MX5 than this car.

Fleeting

One of the most entertaining aspects of my job is the unpredictable variety of the cars I get to drive.

The organisation I work for accesses a very large fleet of leased vehicles, which is in a constant state of flux. The fleet manager has to juggle usage so that at the end of the 24 month lease period, the kilometres travelled match, as closely as possible, the lease prediction.

I'm not sure what happens if this isn't managed properly, but I presume there is a financial penalty. Those of you who have salary packaged cars (as I did when I was working full time) will understand what I'm on about.

Because I cover more distance than just about anyone else in this region, I often get allocated vehicles which need to clock up lots of kilometres in a short time near the end of the lease period.

This happened last week when I was slotted into a Volkswagen Jetta Diesel to travel to St George, Roma and Injune.

This Jetta is the only one I've ever come across, and it was originally part of a salary package for a senior executive. This same head honcho became very ill, and had to relinquish the position, so the car was returned to the fleet to be put to economical use until its lease expired.

Because it was an executive's car, it was the top of the range version, with all the bells and whistles. By the time I'd covered the 1500 km which comprised the week's work, I'd just about sussed them out (the bells and whistles - I mean).

It is a very pleasant car, and being a diesel, very economical on such a journey. It used about 5 litres for every 100 kms, although cruising at 100kmh used less than that - about 4.7 lit/100km. This parsimony with the go-juice didn't come at the cost of performance. When called on to overtake the various grades of grain trucks, mining machinery and cattle crates that infest the Warrego highway, it responded with verve. It actually outperforms your average six (Holden or Falcon) in a typical overtaking manoeuvre because of the vast amount of torque available between 2000 and 3000 rpm. The super efficient DSG six-speed gearbox helps, as it masks the small amount of turbo lag that is occasionally evident.

It also cruises at 100kph with the diesel ghosting along at 2000rpm, which is the main reason for its low fuel consumption. Diesel may well be the way of the future, although it often costs a few cents per litre more than unleaded.

Strangely enough, diesel was actually cheaper than 91 RON at Roma, but this may have been an anomaly - it's always a few cents dearer in Toowoomba and Brisbane.

The fleet manager is a very grounded person (you'd have to be in her job) but she does tend to get a bit rattled when people misfuel the diesels. It happens fairly regularly.

Despite the fact that the cars are emblazoned with stickers shouting "diesel fuel only", some of the dozier members of the organisation entertain a belief that only 4WDs use diesel.

These are usually the same people who return vehicles with melted chocolate, chips and spilled coffee all over the interior. It drives me nuts.

Plains, Planes and a Pub

On Sunday 17th October, intrepid members of the Darling Downs Chapter set out to explore country backroads, aviation history, country pub hospitality and exercise their brain cells on a run to Brooksead via Oakey and Pittsworth.

I say "intrepid" because winter had returned with a vengeance and some members wimped it and travelled with tops up. Those who didn't are probably by now nursing various levels of hypothermia.

The convoy (mostly silver NBs with a sprinkling of NCs) left Toowoomba at three minute intervals, armed with a carefully crafted set of questions to be answered, in the first instance, on the way to the Museum of Australian Army Flying at Oakey and then on to Brookstead via Pittsworth.

These same questions were the cause of many domestics and plenty of colourful language for the rest of the day. We discovered, for instance, that odometers in MX5s record distance travelled irrespective of direction (forward or reverse) and this served to confuse and confound, given the amount of backing-up required to catch up on missed signs, and the fact that accurate odometers readings were vital to avoid getting lost.

Remember, we weren't in convoy - it's amazing how thoroughly you can get lost in three minutes.

The Aviation museum provided a dose of nostalgia for the ex-Nashos in our group. The aircraft have aged better than these same ex-Nashos. It's worth noting that if you have a spare $40000 you can buy one of the nine Caribou transport aircraft mothballed beside the museum.

After a warming coffee at the museum, and a queue at the toilets (there was a seniors tour bus there at the same time) we set off for Brookstead via Pittsworth.

More bad language and backing-up followed, involving a junkyard with Datsun 120Ys, a mysterious mural and badly-positioned road signs. Nothing daunted, we arrived at the Brookstead pub where the beer was cold and the hospitality country-friendly.

Over lunch, the questionnaire was scored. The winners were from Brisbane - so much for "local knowledge". The planners did a good job, and we all know a lot more about that particular neck of the woods.

As we left the pub one of the locals drinking on the patio out front requested a wheelie. Someone should have explained to him that MX5 owners are people of taste and refinement.

Keys n Things.

I've been skiting about how reliable the MX5 is.

Big mistake. After I'd said something like - "Nothing ever goes wrong with this thing" - something did. I have an excuse for my big mouth. After owning many Peugeots, the Mazda's reliability is a constant source of amazement.

What did go wrong was merely inconvenient. The car continued, as they say in the classics, to proceed.

It proceeded, however without benefit of radio or remote locking. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the battery. Both things failed at about the same time. This battery is original. As a 2003 model, it's getting on for seven years old. I don't drive the car every day, and when I'm working west, or travelling interstate, as I have been lately,it can sit for days (and over the last few months - weeks) without being started.

There is therefore a good reason why the radio started flashing "code" at about the same time the remote locking device also lost its memory. According to the techies at Mazda, if the voltage drops below a certain point, it can confuse the in-car computer which remembers stuff like codes. The strange thing is - the car continues to start first time every time, and it cranks over enthusiastically.

Because I'm not the original owner, I didn't have the radio code. It was necessary to take the car to an authorised Mazda dealer to have both radio and remote re-programmed. Apparently they plug a laptop into the system somewhere and mutter incantations as they reset everything.

I can't complain - it cost all of $21. I can't remember the last time I parted with such a small amount of dosh at a garage where something had actually been fixed.

The battery will cark it eventually, of course.

But now I have the magic code.

(Both these shots were taken with an iPhone).

Zen and the Art of Camry Maintenance

This is what I've written to help my son maintain his Toyota Camry -

You are now the proud owner of a Toyota Camry - built by Japanese technicians who are schooled in the art of Toyota Zen. The word "Camry" has no meaning in English. It was invented by Toyota's marketing department because they liked the way it looked and sounded.

Principles of Toyota Zen -

1. This machine is not a motor car - rather it is a household appliance.

2. You must please it - otherwise it may become suicidal.

3. Like all machines it runs on smoke.

4. You must not let the smoke escape.

Household appliancism

The machine will not need extensive maintenance, but it is programmed to accept a level of respect. Gaijin who ignore this do so at their peril. The machine will not allow itself to be used without the entry ceremony. The entry ceremony consists of pressing the button on the remote twice before entering the machine. Once is not sufficient. Once will let you enter the machine, but will not allow it to be started. No amount of bad language will change this simple fact. The machine demands respect*.

Upon leaving the machine press the button on the remote once. This will lock the machine and prevent disrespectful Gaijin from entering it. Do not use the key to open the boot. In most situations, the machine regards this as disrespectful and the alarm will sound which annoys your neighbours. Use the lever beside the driver's seat to open the boot.

Pleasing the Machine

Always put the machine in "Park" and engage the handbrake when you leave the machine to its own devices. This is especially important on sloping ground. Never rely only on the handbrake to secure the machine. Should the machine become depressed, it may roll away and destroy itself on a solid object - or worse still, some Gaijin's valued solid object. Conversely, always disengage the handbrake before driving off. Neglecting to do this will allow the smoke to escape.

Running on smoke

The smoke can be contained in the following manner. Observe the temperature gauge from time to time and learn its habits. Generally it should remain out of the "Hot" zone. Should it venture into the Red zone, cease to proceed immediately. On the other side of the speedometer from the temperature gauge is the fuel gauge. Confusingly, unlike the temperature gauge, it is better to keep the needle towards the top of the dial to ensure continued procession. This will cost money.

Not letting the smoke escape

This is best achieved by checking vital fluids routinely. In order to do that you will need to find the motor. It is located under the bonnet at the front of the machine. These fluids are the engine oil, (black) the transmission oil, (cherry red) and the coolant level (green). The transmission oil is best checked when the machine is running, but ensure you are not wearing a scarf, or that you have had your hair cut before opening the bonnet. It is also prudent to check the tyre pressures, if only by looking at all four tyres before driving the machine and ensuring that they are round - the recommended shape to ensure successful forward procession.

* Read page 1 - 144 of the Instruction Manual if all else fails.